The 5-Day Relationship Cleanse: Time for that Spring Detox

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It’s spring, and you know what that means: buh-bye snow and time to do some cleaning!

But it’s not the typical green smoothie cleanse I’m craving. I’m spring-cleaning the mess of feelings I’ve padded myself with this winter.

As I start to remove some of that excess emotional weight, I realize that a lot of it is attached to over-engaging emotionally with a few “close” relationships that maybe shouldn’t be so close.

Let’s just say it: I wanted to write an article about getting rid of relationships that no longer serve us because I have one in my life!

She and I were really close. But then I had a baby, and things got AWKWARD as she became more and more scarce during my postpartum can’t-stop-crying and haven’t-slept-in-months and who-am-I and what-the-hell-happened-to-my-body phase of mommyhood. And I got angry. Why wasn’t she there for me when I needed her most?

 

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As much as I want to just clean house, cut her out of my life, and try to move on – what I really need to do is re-evaluate.

According to friendship-expert and CEO of GirlFriendCircles.com, Shasta Nelson, “Friendships are the training ground for becoming the people that we claim we want to be.”

Let that sink in – because that shifts this whole friendship conversation…

 

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In her EW Grace&Fire podcast interview, Shasta says we too quickly bail on the uncomfortable awkward moments in our relationships, thereby abandoning potential intimacy-building moments.

The highest levels of friendships we can have are ones where we can be truly vulnerable, even (and especially) during the awkward moments. On the opposite end of the continuum are our acquaintances and more casual relationships – where we get to awkwardly practice loving people who are very different from us.

I do tend to expect way too much (and too soon) from relationships. Not everyone has to be an immediate best friend, and relationships can shift their levels of importance over time. Seeing relationships in this light tempers things a lot and takes some serious emotional baggage off of me (and my friends).

 

New-Life

 

This cleanse really helps that process. Join me for 15 minutes a day to work off the emotional weight that’s built up this winter:

Day 1: Evaluating your Values

What are my top 5 relationship values? In my closest relationships, am I exhibiting these? Where can I get better?

Day 2: Assessing your Friendships

List your friends and answer the following questions about each relationship: Is this a healthy relationship? Does it have the potential to hold most of the values that I see as important? What (if anything) is keeping us from growing closer?

Day 3:  Appreciate, apologize and/or accept

Integrate your findings from Day 1 & 2. Apologize to those that you may have pushed away when it got awkward. Accept that some relationships are not going to grow stronger, and acknowledge the beautiful relationships that are currently growing.

Day 4: Go have a friend date with yourself!

I often expect so much from others before first figuring out how to be a friend to myself. Remember that playing and having fun are important features of any relationship. Go out and do something you enjoy: take yourself to a movie, go for a hike or start an art class. Chances are, if you’re having fun with yourself you are going to have more fun with others.

Day 5: Maintenance

How are you going to check in with yourself and your relationships? How will you handle jealousy or blame in your relationships? Can you find time to journal at least once a week and take yourself on a date once a month?

In three months this may change. Make sure to have the flexibility and grace with yourself and your friendships when changes arise.

 

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As for me, I need to stop writing to you and start writing to an old friend. I’ve got some work to do and then a date to schedule with myself.

Mother’s Day Mind Shift – #emergingnow

Dear Emerging Women,

On May Day – the 1st of May – I experienced three miracles in my life. Ready?

 

Miracle #1 – I am on time for a school function.

It’s exactly 11am on May 1st, and I am miraculously on time for the Maypole Celebration at my sons’ school. I stand in an empty field by the maypole, simply looking around and feeling a teensy bit proud of myself for being the first to arrive. Nobody is there – just the orchestra tuning up. Far from worried, I’m smiling and happy – I love it when other people are late! I figure “Hey, this is a Waldorf School. Everything in it’s own time.” And man does it feel good to just….. wait.

Fifteen minutes later I am clutching my bag, hobble-running in heels to the opposite-side-of-campus courtyard where the assembly is actually located and well under way.

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Power Practice #11 – Manage Your Stress In Any Situation with Erin Olivo

Understanding and being able to manage your emotions is one of the most important and most empowering life skills you can develop.

When your distressing emotions aren’t taken care of in a productive way, they can become the root of all of your most common issues—overeating, chronic relationship conflict, money mismanagement, substance abuse, and even, in many cases, poor physical health.

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Announcing our Emerging Women Live Winner

Meet the lucky winner of our Gaiam TV + Emerging Women Live contest: Suzana Zavila Pejovic. Suzana and a friend will be joining us in San Francisco in October to see Dr. Jane Goodall, Elizabeth Gilbert, Dr. Tererai Trent and more at Emerging Women Live.

We love learning more about the women in our community, so we asked Suzana a few questions about her experience as an emerging woman.

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How’s Your Business Ecosystem? – #emergingnow

Greetings from New York City!

I’m in the midst of a three-city tour (Austin, NYC, and Boston), pitching Emerging Women to investors, meeting our community, and connecting with friends, old and new. On trips like this I’m always amazed by how important each encounter is, no matter how seemingly random.

It wasn’t until I became aligned and “on purpose” with my living that I began to see the intentionality and relevant interconnectedness of everything around me.

When we announced Dr. Jane Goodall as a speaker, I talked about the importance of plugging into our natural ecosystem for energy, connection and rejuvenation. Here’s the thing — your business has an ecosystem, too. And at the core of each ecosystem are the most basic cells that hold everything together: PEOPLE.

 

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